M.O.A.B.

Writing abot prom in my previous post made me think about an article I wrote for the local paper a couple of years ago.  What the heck, I'm going to post it here.  You lucky people!  You get a twofer today! ;)

M.O.A.B.

There is an epidemic going on. Celebrities are not immune to it. Victoria and David Beckham are victims of this epidemic. Cate Blanchett is also afflicted. The epidemic hit our family in October 2006.


Since moving back to Minnesota I have met 10 moms in our area who have been affected by this terrible epidemic. Clearly something has to be done!

“What is this “epidemic’?” you ask.

It is the unbelievable absence of female offspring in three or more children – yes, families of ALL BOYS! With the chance of conceiving either a boy or girl supposedly at 50 per cent, don’t you think this is rather odd?

After meeting the fourth mother of my son’s preschool class to have only three sons, I took it upon myself to form a support group for these poor mothers. I call it… the %#@ Mother of All Boys group, or M.O.A.B. (You would know what all those punctuation marks really meant if you had three or more “testosterone terrors” running rampant in your house without a Barbie or Disney Princess in sight to keep them in line.)

Our M.O.A.B. support group now has 13 members. We have met a few times, discussing issues that would normally have us crying at home – e.g., how many loads of muddy laundry we’ve done now that the snow has melted and created all those irresistible puddles, which ADHD medication is most effective, and – short of making them sit down – the best way to make sure you son’s aim is accurate.

I even designed a logo and t-shirt. Here’s an explanation of it:

• Messy font to represent our messy boys.

• A set of wings tilted over the “M” to represent us mothers as imperfect angels who may lose their patience once in a while.

• Printed on a loud, bright green to represent our loud boys.

• Finally, hearts in between all the chaotic letters to show that even with everything, we still love our boys!

So, please, take pity on us mothers who have been “debilitated” by this affliction. We, who will never experience the joy of being the (sob!) mother of the bride.

In a few years when one of our (gasp!) 40 sons asks your daughter to the prom, please take us with you! We would LOVE to experience shopping for a dress, choosing accessories, and getting hair and makeup done – all the frivolities of having a daughter – if only to escape the M.O.A.B. “epidemic” for a day.